Naruto Mission 02: Assassin in the sand
by Kai Hashiami
Summary: Someone is killing off Sand Ninja. But Who? and Why? Naruto reviels a new Jutsu designed for use on the Pervy-Sage
1. Update reports on the Nine Rockies

Chapter 1

We join Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai were in Tsunade's office giving a monthly report on their Genins. Ton-Ton was peacefully sleeping next to a stack of papers. She snored quietly and peacefully. The top paper in the stack blew gently as she inhaled and exhaled. Shuizune was standing next to Tsunade's chair as usual. And Tsunade had a bored look on her face. It was a sunny day. She did not want to spend it cooked up in her office. She wanted to roam around the village, maybe grab some ramen and have a nice glass of Saki.

She would rather be yelling at the Naruto. then be sitting in here for these reports. But the most annoying thing of all, Kakashi had a glazed look in his eye, just staring mindlessly into a volume of his book series while the others gave their reports.

"Well, Shino is doing an absolutely fabulous job. His handling of the bugs has improved. Kiba and Akamaru have been working on their marking

technique and fang over fang technique. They have also been playing fetch a lot. But Kiba says that Akamaru has been missing his favorite chew toy, Naruto's leg. As for Hinata, she is doing a remarkable job of over comming her shyness. She seems to be pushing her self as to prove herself to Naruto.

Kakashi has put up his book and is look at the celling out of the corner of his eye. Asuma then begins his report.

"Well, Ino still acts like she is the boss of the three. but her Mind Transfer Jutsu has show remarkable approvement. It is almost as if she is getting stronger in order to impress Sasuke and make him return to the village. Shikimaru is lazy as always, but is also improveing at his own pace. and Choji has in the past month gone in to the hospital thirteen times for stomach pumps due to over eating in the month.

Kakashi has been looking up at the ceiling for five minutes now. he begins his report.

"Sakura has been an exceptional medic ninja. and Kai is quickly adjusting to my team. He and Naruto are still having spats but it is progress at least. and If Naruto doesn't fail his next mission, I'll buy him free ramen for a month." Kakashi said with a smile underneth his masks.

"Free ramen for a month!?" exclamied a voice from the ceiling.

Tsunade threw a kunai into the ceiling pannel. It broke and Naruto fell into the office. The Jonuin Senseis, Tsunade, and Shizune all srounded him with the death look. Even Ton-Ton came over and glared at him with a angry look. Naruto had woke her up, and she was not happy.

"What?" Naruto asked.

Tsunade opened the window and Kakashi used the "1,000 years of death" thechnique. Naruto was launched out of the office like a rocket. he landed on Sakura's feet.

"Naruto?" she asked. while Inner-Sakura yelled "Watch were you are going you little idiot!"

***

Back in Tsunade's office, Kakashi summoned Pakkun to keep Naruto busy. Pakkun jumped out the window, to a tree branch and gradually down to the ground. Awhile after Tsunade dismissed The Jonouin, a bird flew in the still open window. The messgae wrapped around it's leg bore the symbol of the village Hidden in the Sands.

***

"Sorry Sakura." Naruto said getting up. "Kakshi-Sensei shot me out of Grandma Tsunade's Office Window."

"Why were you in there? They were having a _private_ conversation. Whatever they did, you probably deserved it. " Sakura said. Her Inner-self however said: "Why didn't I think of eavesdropping?" Suddenly, Pakkun appeared in front of them and said: "Well, if it isn't the two lovebirds."

"Me Love him? No Way!" Sakura shouted.

"Anyway, What does Kakshi-Sensei Want?" Naruto asked.

"Kakashi?" the little dog asked. "Nothing, he doesn't want anything." Pakkun lied.

"Then why where you summoned?" Naruto asked grinning.

***

Tsunade carefully removed the note and read it. she looked up at Kakashi and saw that his nose was back in his book. She yelled at him using words that should never be spoken, grabbed the book and locked it in her drawer.

"My book!" Kakashi cried

"Go get Naruto, Kai, and Neji." Tsunade barked. "You will get your book back after you complete your mission. and if you _ever _have your nose in a book of the series agian in my presence you will not get it back, NOW GO!!!"

Kakahi cried a little but went to get the ninja Tsunade wanted.


	2. Mission Recived

Neji, Kai and Naruto were standing outside of Tsunade's office eagerly awaiting the mission, except Naruto. When Tsunade finnaly let them in,

Naruto impatiently blurted out "What do you want Grandma Tsunade? I was eating Ichiraku Ramen!"

"I'll turn _you _into ramen you if you don't shut up!" Tsunade said angrily. "Your mission is to go to the Village Hidden in the Sand. someone has been murdering strong sand ninja in thier sleep."

"Then they arern't very good ninja huh?" Naruto asked.

"Shut up you loser." Neji siad coldly. "Go on Lady Tsunade."

"Garra has no leads on the culpret, and he fears that since the culprit has been attacking the stronger ninja in the village he may be the next target. He asked for you specifically Naruto." Tsunade explained. She then wispered under her breath "God knows why."

Naruto was down at the village gate in three minutes ready to go. He was rushing the others tiring to get them ready to leave. Kai had asked him if he had everything.

"Ninja tools?"

"Check"

"First aid kit?"

"Check"

"Sleep Clothes?"

"Check"

"Money?"

"Check" Naruto pulled out his frog purse and did not notice it was flat.

"Uh, Naruto? your frog is a little flat." Kai said,

Naruto looked at the purse and saw it was empty. he remembered earlier he bumped into Jiraiya. they both dropped thier purses and he just relaized that Jiraiya pulled a fast one on him.

"That Perrvy-Sage! He's probably spent all MY money on alcoholic beverages! Or towards his 'research' I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!"

Kai leaned over to Neji and said: "He only has a piece of a mind!"

Naruto started to run off but was stopped by Kakashi. he dragged Naruto out of the Village. Naruto was shouting "I'll get you for this Pervy-Sage!"Naruto gripped about it for a longtime. eventually they stopped at a tea house along the path. Neji laughed at the fact that Naruto's pocked was picked by an old man.

"It was the Pervy-Sage though! he's one of the Sanin!" this fact made Neji stop laughing it was still sad, but that piece of information made it a little better. Kai just sat on a bench and cooly drank his tea and eat some rice. Kakashi was sitting on the backside of the building so no one would see his face. After everyone (except Naruto) had something they continued on thier way. When they got to the border to the land of Air Naruto was still complaining about Jiraiya.

"Will you shut up about Jiraiya! I am tired of hearing about how you are going to kick his but all the way to Tsunade's office and tell her what he did! If you say one more word about him, I will make you rue the day you were born! AM I CLEAR?" Neji asked.

"Yes." Naruto replied.

Surprisingly, Naruto was quiet the rest of the way there.

***

(Somewhere in the Land of Fire)

Jiraiya was surrounded by pretty ladies that are just barely dressed enough for an "OK" from the FCC to be shown on TV. There was also countless Saki bottles littering the hotel room. on the nightstand, next to Jiraiya's "research" book sat an empty frog purse with "Naruto Uzumaki" written in the japanese characters on it. All these girls were wanting to be put into Jiraiya's series. I mean how cool would it be to say you were drawn into a famous writer's series! These girls were willing to do anything to get into his series or at least have characters based on them.

"Oh Yeah, keep up these massages and back rubs and you will all be in my book."


	3. Arrival in the Sand Village

Garra was waitning in his office, looking out the window. The first thing Naruto said when he entered the village was: "Ow! I got sand in my eyes!" Neji gave Naruto a slap to the head. Naruto slapped Neji back in the face. There was obvious aggresion in there eyes. whith the whole lightning coming from eyes and connecting cliche. Kakashi got in the way of the two so they would not fight. Kakashi sighed and thought ot himself, "It's just like when Sasuke was here. Kinda nostalgic really."

"Get over here and fight me Neji!" Naruto yelled.

"Naruto, fighting you is a waste of time." Neji replied cooly.

"What do you mean Neji? I kicked your but in the Chunin exams, I can do it agian. give up on that whole 'destiny' thing!"

"Naruto shut up or I will personnaly kick your but back to the vilage."

"Like you could!"

The two lunged at each other, Naruto being restrained by Kakashi, and Neji by Kai's use of shadow possecion jutsu.

"Kai! how do you know that jutsu? It belongs to the Narra Clan!" Neji asked.

"One of my original teammates belonged to the Narra clan. I learned it from watching him." Kai explained. Once they calmed down, Naruto and Neji were relaeased.

Temari come up and greeted them. She then escorted them to Garra's office. Garra stood up out of his chair when they entered and went over to shake Naruto's hand.

"Hi Garra how have you been?" Naruto asked pleseantly.

"Fine." Garra replied shortly.

"So Garra, what has been going on with these deaths?" Kakashi asked.

Garra's face bore a depressed face and he asked them to sit down. He told how Jonin and strong Chunin from the village are being killed while they sleep. Somehow, the culpret would get to his victim without waking them, no matter how well they were protected. The only clue is that the victims all had sand on thier face.

"But Garra! sand is blowing everywhere out there. How do you know it is not from outside?" Naruto asked.

Garra opened his mouth to speak, but there came a knock at the door. "Come in." Garra said. When the door opened, A blond hair boy entered.

"You wanted to see me Garra-Sensei?" he asked. "Yes, I did."Garra said remembering. he turned toward the Leaf Shinobi and introduced this young man.

"This is Yuskae Ukamarwa. He is my assistant. Yuskae these are some of our alies fro the Hidden Leaf Village."

"Nice to meet you." he said bowing." Kakashi got a odd felling from this Yuskae. For a split seconed he saw a black mark on Yuskae's neck.

That night, The Leaf shinobi and Garra were relaxing in a hot spring. Yuskae was sitting next to spring, not wanting to get wet. Naruto was pondering who or what could be responsible for these actions. Neji said that Naruto was overthinking it. Kakashi just sat there in deep thought. He was tring to think of a logical explanation but he couldn't focus from NOT reading his book. He fantised about random things being pretty women. Naruto knew how upset Kakashi was, and heard Kakashi whimpering to himself about Tsunade taking his book away. Naruto decided to make Kakashi happy.

"Hey Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto shouted happy.

"Yes Naruto?" Kakashi asked with a sigh.

"I know what will make you happy. 'Harem Jutsu, Swimsuit addition'!" In sevral puffs of smoke a mass of Female Narutos in bikini's appeared around Kakashi. Kakashi's nose bled so badly, that his outter most mask became crimsion.

An angry Neji whacked Naruto in the head, telling him to "Grow up."

"I was just tring to make Kakshi-Sensei happy!" Naruto argued back.

"Don't ever use that abomination of a jutsu infront of me agian!" Neji yelled.

"You're not my boss Neji!" Naruto yelled. "Kakashi-Sensei is!"

"Shut up loser!" Neji said coldly.

Naruto transformed into Neji and mocked Neji. Neji started to lunge at Naruto, but Kai interveined.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?" Kai yelled. "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING YOUR CONSTANT BICKERING! iF YOU TWO DON'T STOP I WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOUR **ASSES**! AM I CLEAR?"

"Yes sir!" Naruto said out of fear.

"Like you could." Neji said confidently.

"Do you really want to try me?" Kai asked

"Yes I do!" Neji said getting in Kai's face.

Kakashi, still half distracted by Naruto's jutsu, knew that a fight between Neji and Kai would not be pretty. It could cause a lot of damage and should be restrained to the Leaf Village's stadium. But Kakashi knew that he did not want to be the one to tell Tsunade that they broke into a fight.

"Alright, that's enough." Kakashi said pulling them apart. He then ordered them to seprate ends of the spring.

Eventually thay gave up tring to figure it out for the night and decided to go on to bed. There were air mattresses set out for them, but they were filled with sand insteadof air. It was very conftable. Much more then ones filled with air. They all slept peacefully, unaware of what was happening outside.


	4. The killer is

Along the rooftops a black figure was jumping from rooftop to rooftop. and eventually jumped though an open window. Snoring could be heared from the open window, snoring that was quickly silenced. the figure jumped out of the window and lept from rooftop to rooftop vanishing from sight as the sun rose.

Naruto, woke up and yawned loudly and scratched his back. He said good morning to his teammates indivudally as he rubbed his eyes. He looked over to his side and yelled out of horror. Kakashi, Kai, and Neji out of surprise sprang up and grabbed Kunai and shrikin.

"What is it Naruto?" Kakashi asked.

"My forehead protector is gone!" Naruto cried. "Its gone! It's gone! Where is it?" he asked. he then began looking in stupid places for it. Such as in his shirt, in his night cap, and bunch of other really stupid places.

"Naruto! Calm down!" Kakashi said. "Where was it last?" Kai asked.

"Right next to my bed." Naruto explained. Garra knocked on the door and entered to tell them the grim news. The news that another killing has happened. He escorted them to the victim's house. The fierce wind blew sand up Naruto's nose. Upon inspection of the house, they found Naruto's Headband next to the corpse as if it had fallen off his head or out of his pocket.

"How did this get here?" Naruto asked aloud.

"How?" Yuskae asked. "I'll tell you how,YOU are the killer!"

"What! I can't be the killer! ninja had already died before I even stepped foot in this village!"

"So you could have an accomplice!" Yusake declared.

"Yeah right! Naruto couldn't even spell '_accomplice'". _Kai retorted.

"You know what Kai! I have had enough of your calling me an idiot." Naruto bellowed clenching his hands into fists.

"I didn't call you 'an idiot' I just said you couldn't spell 'accomplice'." Kai said smugly.

"Okay that's enough!" Kakashi bellowed. "Now both of you stop acting like immature three-year olds. You should be more like me."

"You're one to talk Kakashi Sensei! With you always reading the Pervy-Sage's books! You're no better then he is! That Pervy-Sage! You know, he does that 'Research' every time I go out training with him. Wait..." Naruto finally realized that Kakashi hadn't pulled the book out once since they left the village. "Who are you?" Naruto asked pulling out a kunai. "The _real _Kakashi-Sensei would have been reading his book at least once since we left the village by now. Especially since we have faced no enemies on the road."

"Don't you remember you little idiot!" Kakashi excalimed with a look of rage in his uncovered eye. "You used the 'Harram Jutsu Swimsuit Addition' to cheer me up! and my outer-most mask turned crimson!" Kakashi argued back.

"Oh, yeah! That's right." Naruto said remembering. "But Wait, _why _don't you have the book?" Naruto asked.

"Lady Tsunade confiscated it from me." Kakashi said shortly. there was a brief silence in the house. Everyone just looked at Kakashi. the only sound was the howling wind outside. A totally random tumbleweed passed by the group. Naruto just bursts out laughing like a hyena exposed to laughing gas.

"That's the funniest thing I've ever heard Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto said between laughs. "Grandma Tsunade has taken one of Pervy-Sage's books and locked it in her drawer! Only some Perverted Idiot would try to get it there!"

***

(Back in the Leaf Village)

Tsunade's office was vacant. the door opened a crack. Ibizu stuck his head in "Excuse me, Lady Hokage?" there was no answer from the room. he looked out in the hall to the left, then the right, and this three more times. He then slipped into the office and quietly closed the door. he snuck over to her desk and opened the top right hand drawer. He reached in and touched the book, Shizune came in the office.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Nothing." Ibizu said having closed the drawer back just on time. Shizune shrugged and went on her way. Ibizu took a sigh of relief and pulled the book out from behind his back. Just then the door opened again and Tsunade, acompained by Ton-Ton entered the office.

"Ibizu! Do you want something?" Tsunade asked barley buzzed from a drink of Saki.

"I thought you called for me." Ibizu lied. He knew he wasn't going to get away with lying to the Hokage, and was ready to accept punishement. Luckilly for him the Saki made Tsunade surprisingly mellow. She simply said "No, I didn't." Ibizu apologized for wasting her time and left, with Kakashi's First edition, holographic, autographed copy of Vol. One in The series written by the Pervy-Sage. He was going to go read it and complete his collection, that someone (Naruto) made incomplete by hiding the books in the Forrest of Death. Incidently this i salos why kakashi had such a valueable book out of his house.

***

(Back in the Sand Villiage)

"But, if none of us are imposters, who killed this guy?" Neji asked. "And why did they do it?" Kakashi finished Neji's queston. As they ponder this there is a loud thud just outside. then there is a few loud slams on the door, like someone throwing the side of their fist into the door. With every pound, the door grew weaker and weaker.

The door to the house bursts open and off it's hinges, and standing there is Temari,a blank stare on her face and her big fan out. Just past her an out cold Kankuro.


	5. The fight and Epilouge

"Temari? What are you doing?" Garra asked. Temari did not answer. She just threw a Kunai at Garra. Naruto jumped in the way to save his friend. Not a clone, but the real Naruto. A caring, but foolish move.

Kai lunged in to start attacking.

"Wait!" Garra said. "She is not herself."

Naruto and Kai looked on in confusion. "What does he mean? "It's not like she's Orochimaru!" Naruto said alod. Temari said in a soft voice "Must...kill." She then threw a kunai at Garra, and it was blocked by the sand.

"Temari wake up!" Garra said.

"She _can't_ hear you." a voice said, echoing though the house.

"Whose there?" Kakashi asked. A woman, apparently nineteen emerged from the shadows.

"Who are you?" Naruto asked.

"I am Kareem Heart." she said. "'The Siren of the Rice Patties'." She said taking a bow.

"What do you want?" Neji spat.

"I want to complete my mission." She said. "Lord Orochimaru will be pleased when I tell him that I've made a sand shinobi kill thier own." Kareem jumped though the hole in the wall and dashed off.

"Naruto, Kai come with me, Neji stay here in case Temari and Konkudo wake up." Kakashi said. "I'm coming." Garra added.

"Garra don't you think she wants you to follow her?" Naruto asked. Garra didn't care. She had made Temari kill the sand ninja. He wanted revenge.

The group started to head out but Kakashi stopped. He summoned Pakkun and told him to stay here and assist Neji. With that the four boys raced after Kareem.

When they arrived at her location, they cornered her off. Kareem had a smug look on her face. She sang a few notes. The boys just stared at her.

"What was that?" Naruto asked.

"I figured it wouldn't work on you nine-tail brat or him."she said pointing to Garra. "But these other two, are now my slaves."

"What?" Naruto asked in confusion.

"It's my ability I can seduce men with a hypnotic song." She explained. thick black zigzags stared showing up on her face. "With the curse mark placed on me by Lord Orochimaru I can even control women. Now Kai! Kakashi! attack!"

"Yes Honey." They replied. Kai and Kakashi rushed toward Garra and Naruto. The two teams exchanged blows of punches and kicks.

"Guys Wake up!" Naruto yelled unable to get a response from his bewitched teammates. Naruto got an idea. A new jutsu of his "Harem JutsuSwim Edition X-Rated!" In Naruto disgustingly perverted sexy jutsu/shadow clone jutsu mix a mass of his female self appeared wearing only the bottom part of a two-piece swim suit. They bum rushed Kakashi and flirted with him. Kakashi's face (or what is seen of it) goes hot pink and steam blows out his ears. This instantly woke up Kakashi.

"Naruto! Go back to normal This is disgusting!" Kakashi protested despite the fact that his eyes swelled to the size of baseballs at the mere sight of this jutsu.

"Whatever Hypocrite-Sensei." Naruto said returning to normal. "Now we have to get Kai back."

"Naruto?" Garra said pointing to Kareem. Naruto turned around to see Kai with a kunai to Kareem's throat.

"You woke up!" Naruto exclamed.

"No, I never went under her spell. I just figured she was stupid enough to fall for this trick and I was right." Kai explained.

Garra came up and prepared to use the Sand Coffin Jutsu on Kareem. But, Yuskae hit him on back of the head. "Sorry Garra-Sensei, but I can not let you hurt her." he said, with an evil smirk and strange black markings appeared on his body.

"Yuskae, you two?" Garra asked.

"I now follow Lord Orochimaru!" Yuskae said scratching the Sand Village's symbol on his headband. The two of them disappeared in to sand, laughing evilly.

"Damn it!" Naruto said punching the sand covered ground. "They got away!" Naruto began crying. "Mission Failed. That means Grandma Tsunade will send me back to the Ninja Academy!"

"And I'll never get my book back." Kakashi added and also crying.

"Naruto, the mission was to find out who was doing the killings." Kai explained. "We are successful, besides shinobi of that magnitude We need to send ANBU after them." Kai said.

With that, they returned to the village and picked up Neji and Pakkun. and prepared to leave.

"I'm dyeing for Ichiraku Ramen right about now." Naruto said, his stomach rumbling.

"Will you shut up about _Ichiraku Ramen_!" Neji yelled. "I swear with you it's always 'blah, blah, blah, _Ramen_, blah, blah, blah _Sasuke_, blah, blah, blah _Hokage_, blah, blah, blah, _Believe _it!'"

"That's It!" Naruto screamed. Naruto lunged at Neji creating the cliched dust ball fight.

"Well you two stop!?" Kai yelled. "If you will behave I will get us home much faster." Kai explained.

They stopped fighting and looked at Kai curiously. Kai bit his thumb and made the following hand signs: Dragon, Horse, Boar, Dragon, Tiger, Dragon and slammed his hand on the Sandy land. In A big puff of smoke a large purple dragon appeared.

"What do you want Kai?" The dragon asked in a booming voice.

"I need you to take us back to Leaf Village." Kai turned to his teammates, particularly Naruto and said: "Do not make him angry, or he will buck you so hard that you willl fell like you were shot out of a canon to the moon."

Naruto and Neji gulped.

* * *

Epilouge

Naruto was back in the village, eating Ichiraku's Ramen. The store was closed because Naruto ate so much Ramen, that he has dirtied up every bowl the owner had.

The owner and his daughter were used to Naruto eating so much Ramen but this time took the cake. Naruto's belly had inflated so much, he could have had three Pakkunn's under his shirt and be thiner. Naruto pulled out his wallet and forgot that The Pervy-Sage had taken his money. Naruto said "Put it on the Pervy-Sage's tab." and ran for dear life.

***

Neji went back to training with his uncle while Hinata served them tea, after which she would train and stalk the oblivious Naruto. Her face would be bright pink while she watched him, epically if he happened to turn around to face her.

***

Kakashi got his book back, ran home locked his door, he preceded over to the two pictures on top his bed frame, one of him and his ooriginal squad, and the one of him, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto. He picked up the one with the Genin him and put the one of him now face down. a hidden panel opened up and he walked in. Down a long, narrow strip filled with multiple check points. at the end was a shelf, a comfy chair and a lap. He went over to the chair sit down in it and turned on the light, and began reading his book. as he sat down all the security doors closed simultaneously . The original door closed right after he went though it.

***

Kai came back home and pulled out his late father's ninja to be put in the bingo book and added Kareem Hart and Yuskae Ukamarwa into the files and sent word to Tsunade of these new additions.


End file.
